Let 'em see you sweat!
I spent an entire week in Austin and it was literally a breath of fresh air. No alarm clocks. No obligations. Granted there was plenty to do and people to see, but still, no obligations. For a second it almost felt selfish because it felt so good. Of course, I had a 4-month-old baby and a typically developing 7-year-old boy in tow, but it still felt so good. My husband was actually there for work training M-Th, and his normal routine of up and out by 5AM was consistent, but it still felt so good. Should I mention the room service delivered specifically by him on his breakfast, snack and lunch breaks? I mean, it felt real good.
I spent an excessive amount of time in and by the water, between the hotel pool and nearby natural waters (thank God the kids are secretly fish, as am I), and a healing dose of hours with friends. The very friends that I knew I missed but didn't realize how much I needed until I was nearly in tears when we connected.
We were headed home and spent just as much time in the car driving back as we did going, yet the feeling was so different. Going, I was all smiles, filled with excitement and anxious to enjoy what easily turned into a family vacation rather than "Justin has training." Coming back, the smiles were pulled out amongst joking with my husband, the anxiousness was to get out of the car, and my thoughts were on everything that had to be done.
Here is when I hate to admit (but willingly do so) that
behind far too many pictures is a wife, mama, daughter, sister, friend, teacher and mentor that needs a little more help than she knows how to ask for. A little more self-care than she has thought to consider. Oh, and several moments in a day that she just needs to pause and express gratitude.
Gratitude for where I am in life, where I'm going, and all that God has called me to be.
I'm still in transition y'all and it feels like I'll never get out of it. The start of each phase is typically exciting but the long haul and combining of everything is waaaayyyyyy to much for me (in the flesh). Even more of a reason why I need that self-care, which at the root requires me to fill myself up before emptying. That help, which looks more like a mental check-in than a helping hand.
The crazy part about it all is that I'm right where I once prayed to be, by way of obeying God. Happily Married. Not living in my hometown. Building a family. Homeowner. Momprenuer.
How often do we pray for something, get it and then try to somehow forget we prayed for it once it gets too hard or don't come at the "right time?" Ha!
Someone once told me "Ash, you've transitioned far better than you probably thought you would." With that, I agree and have decided to store it in the bag of compliments. Yet, I still feel like I'm transitioning and although it may look as so, it's not always easy. (Something new happens every 9 months - no joke) Oh, and somewhere along the road I've heard and unintentionally adapted to the saying, "Never let 'em see you sweat."
Forget that! I'm unpacking right here. Vacation OVER.
Today, as I return to the very place that my family has been called to be, I'm reminded that God does not call the equipped. He equips the called (Hebrews 13:20-21). I often feel like, how can little ol' me do "all of this" and with the mental state that I sometimes have, why would I even be called?
It's time to activate a little more faith because I'm tired of packing heavy.